Cole Grills The Moon

Halo 3 and Other Stuff

Cole — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 00:17:00 +0000

So yeah, just like everyone else, I got Halo 3. And personally, I find it to be a bit of a letdown. I mean, sure the new weapons and physics and sounds and explosions and brik-a-brak is fancy, but when you get down to it, they hyped it just a tiny bit. REVIEW TIME.

Graphics:
Excellent in almost all fields. The models are well modeled, the textures are well textured, and the bloom makes your eyes BLEED. BLEED WITH THE FORCE OF ONE THOUSAND SUNS and more!

Story:
Awesome except for that one level... and that one... and that other one too... I like the story but they could have done better, like make the scarab lazor non-pissweak.

Weapons:
FUN. I'd have to say the flamethrower is my favorite: pretty humiliating getting killed by molten flaming nacho-cheese. What's really cool is that you can duel with swords, which is cool 'cause you can walk up to a guy and go and stuff happens.

Flood:
Killable by melee. Now they're not scary.

Custom Armor:
You get armor for doing stuff. Don't be a noob and just use hayabusa, mix it up!

Cake:
It's a lie.

Spiker:
The only gun that shoots molten death knives at innocent pedestrians!

Physics:
ROFLMAO. The air drag is just a bit off. Just a bit.

I'm hungry...

END OF TEH SUMMERZ!!!!

Cole — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 00:39:00 +0000

Wow, it's already that time again, and that time is for me to brag about what happened that would be worth noting: I GOT A WII!!! LAWL I PWNZ U ALL!!!!11! And I got a guitar! It's hard! Hooray!

Wii review:

Graphics: A bit better than the Gamecube... can't call it an eyesore.

Gameplay: ZOMG! It made bowling on a game console fun. Enough said.

I'll make up for the days I missed. I promise.

It's Been 17 Days

Cole — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 15:30:00 +0000

This day marks my second week as a lifeguard. Due to my extended free time, I've learned--and proved--a lot more things.

If it's in the lost and found, the Owners obviously did not want it in the first place, so go ahead and borrow it and take it home without giving it back. We promise we won't notice.

Gordon Freeman (Half-Life Series) eats babies. It has been proven that although eating babies greatly improves your skill with weapons and understanding of advanced physics, the constant screaming of the eaten babies garbles your vocal cords. This results in Gordon never talking, and also explains why no babies appear in the Half-Life Series.

I don't tan, I burn.

STUFF I EXPECT TO HAVE BY THE END OF THE SUMMER:

A better computer
Command and Conquer 3
BioShock
Guitar Hero 2 and 2 controllers
An acoustic guitar

Blogger won't load pictures for me >=[

Misc. Stuff In The Lost And Found: 18% Broken Water Guns 46% Nalgenes 27% Broken Junk 9% Stuff That No One Notices

Last weekend, I entered a contest to prove that I was better at surviving when stranded on an island. within the first day, I constructed a fully operable boat using some string, a palm tree, 8 coconuts, a crab, 462,592 grains of sand and a plastic spoon. I put Bear Grylls to shame.

How to name a guitar:

What does the guitar look like or what does it represent? (should be only one syllable and be a noun, you can cut up words to make them shorter)
take that word and put "-tar" at the end.
some examples are: Spork-tar, Wii-tar (come on Nintendo, you know it's a good idea), Cow-tar.

Crackdown

Cole — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 02:01:00 +0000

I haven't blogged in a while because, last Friday, after 1.5 months of waiting, I finally got Crackdown... and it's just as good as i predicted. I just beat it today and i have to say that it was totally worth it. I shall review it.

Graphics:
Pristine. The designers slacked on a couple objects, but did excellent on the things that mattered. The game uses cell-shading, which makes the game look more like a cartoon, after all, the game is supposed to be the plot of a comic book. great lighting, pretty good shadows, funky water and FREAKING AWESOME EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

Speed(ex. FPS):
normal when compared to an average 360 game, but this ain't no average game: All buildings and objects, excluding cars and people, are pre-rendered when the game starts. This game makes good use of the 360's processing power, how every little object is tracked relentlessly. For example, I took a rubber ducky(quite deadly when thrown at people) and put it on a beach. Then i ran, drove, and jumped to the other side of the city and back... and the ducky was right where i left it. Just to see if it was possible, I stress-tested the processing power with this game... I succeeded in lagging it, but not before blowing up three city blocks with oil barrels, remote-detonated explosives, cars and people for tons of particles and stuff... all at once, in such a huge explosion that it triggered the Richter Scale, began a CIA investigation, and woke a monster that was hibernating in the center of the planet.

Sounds:
Great choice for music, although it is not entirely original: they got permissions from syndicated bands, all of which I've never heard of, for some cool songs... and it was quite successful. The Crackdown soundtrack is of mammoth proportions: 105 songs in all. The sound effects are awesome, civilian cars sound like cars, gang cars sound cooler, and Agency cars induce adrenaline rushes and feelings of unstoppable power. The guns sound powerful in close range, but what's cool is when you get far away from them they sound like, well, guns in the distance... you know, that popping sound. Explosions sound fierce, and people sound funny, some people even speak other languages!

AI:
Retards. That about sums up what people are in this game. Dudes with guns just shoot at you, but the developers compensate with kick ass weapons and vast numbers. Civilians, those weird guys who are really annoying and have no lives, are dumb as rocks. I dunno where to start! When they're in a car and run into an obstacle, occasionally they go around it, but some try to go through the obstacle, like one time i saw a dude in his car, he had driven off the road into the side of the building. Now, any smart guy would put it in reverse and get back on the road, but THIS guy just sits there for about 3 seconds... and floors it. He doesn't go anywhere, just trying to go through the wall like an average citizen. RRRRRrrRRRRrrrrrRrRRrrrrrRRRrrRRR! Smoke's going everywhere, tires are squealing... it's just sad to see someone that stupid... so i shot his gas tank, exploding his car, killing him instantly. I guess one cool thing about the AI is that after you kill so many people, the corresponding faction will send out hit squads to kill you, these are bad news for noobs, but give TONS of experience for advanced players, who can just slaughter them for cool little experience-orb-things... I call them Fairies, 'cuz they look very similar to the fairies from the Legend of Zelda series.

Multiplayer Capability:
...Leaves a lot to be desired: you can only play multiplayer(I call it "moteepo" for some damned reason) through system link or Xbox Live. Sad, really....

Downloadable Content and Gamerscore Achievements:
DLC is cool! A bunch of packages with several additions to the game. One of them grants you Keys To The City mode, more commonly known as cheat mode. It also gives you Street Racing, but I haven't played that yet. Another pack adds to your arsenal, it gives you 3 whoop-ass guns: the Minigun, Harpoon Gun, and "Lobber", a rocket launcher that fires a bunch of mini-rockets, or so I hear. This pack also give you 3 more cars: a Racecar, Dunebuggy, and Armored Vehicle. Now on to GAMERSCORE: If you want to have a high Gamerscore, then get this game: It has a total of 50 achievements, totaling a whopping 1,250 Gamerscore points!

Gameplay:
Smart! You get 5 Skills: Agility, Driving, Explosives, Strength, Firearms. You start with 0 stars and try to get 4 stars, the maximum for your Skills. When your advance your Skills, you run faster, jump higher, drive faster, get cooler cars, make bigger explosions, can lift heavier objects(up to just over 2.5 tons), and shoot more accurately. Your character is basically a superhero, adding to the comic book theme. fighting is fast-paced, lots of fire, every round is a tracer round, you can drive a Monster Truck or Batmobile(no joke, 4-star driving), and there's kung-fu. Hi-ya!

Plot:
I'll try to be as vague as possible so I don't spoil it: You are a genetically altered super soldier, created by the Agency, a last ditch effort by the government to defeat the gangs of Pacific City. You must defeat the gangs in any way you see fit, the gangs are: Los Muertos, The Volk, and The Shai-Gen Corporation. Each is powerful in its own way. You must take down their respective kingpins and generals to fully destroy them. You are the nation's last chance.

Pics will be added soon

Description Of Bucket Walrus For Dummies

Cole — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 04:23:00 +0000

Tyler tells me that some stumbleupon users don't know what the Bucket Walrus. By Dummies I mean stumbleupon users. GO HERE TO FIND OUT WHAT THE BUCKET WALRUS SAGA IS AND STOP BEING COMPLETE RETARDS; THE CD TRAY IS NOT A CUP HOLDER.

Oh and by the way, one of my pics was used :] so now I am engraved into the saga.

Bucket Walrus Saga

Cole — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 00:47:00 +0000

Tyler was looking around and found a site based entirely toward bucket walrus. He told me about it today and I was thinkin' "cool I should checks it out" so I did... aaaaaaaaaannnnndd I somehow ended up creating 11 more bucket walrus things. check out the site. Oh and I also made a rocket out of plastic bottles n' such. We named it Mister PLEASE. We're gonna USE them to get xtra cred and candy. MY rocket will definitely fly highest. And we had these PICS up on the wall for some reason, about some dumb thing. I also found a treasure chest IN my bathroom, and THE chest had four locks, and four keys, how convenient! So yeah it thrust me into an eternal SAGA. So ya, that be me day. Now leave me alone... PLZ?

Here Are My Pics

UPDATE: See Description Of Bucket Walrus For Dummies!

Bucket Walrus

Cole — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 05:09:00 +0000

Some of you out there may have heard of the Bucket Walrus. Well I have, and I decided to take a whack at it and make a sequel. So yeah....

Original Picture

My Sequel

So whaddya guys think? I hope it good. Oh and FYI: the walrus in the first picture isn't a walrus... it's an elephant seal... get your facts straight... jeez....

Update On Spanish Film

Cole — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 21:53:00 +0000

Yeah, the film didn't go as planned, so you'll definitely never see it, i will offer a substitute, though....

COMING SOON

Cole — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 04:22:00 +0000

Tyler wants me to post today and i have nothing to post about, but I'll post anyway about an upcoming movie that u will probably never see...
That's just the place holder name, not the official name. So yeah.... Hope you're happy, Tyler.

Terrorist Squirrels

Cole — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 22:33:00 +0000

Ok, I'm writing this about 10 minutes after a power outage struck my area. My mom calls me to see if I'm all right, like all mothers do. I told her the power died, and as it turns out she knew exactly what happened. She works at the city hall in my town and knows a guy who actually saw what happened, and he immediately reported it to her. So what happened? A squirrel tried to become one with the transformer on a power line, which made the transformer explode 3 times, shooting sparks and flames 20 feet into the air. The power outage was pretty short, though, since they were already at the scene of the crime. "Crime?" you say? Well duh! The only thing that would actually try this is TERRORISTS. And what better thing to use as a weapon than a squirrel? They're cheap, plentiful, and can be taught to waterski. Don't believe me? Well just look at this:That's Twiggy, the Water-Skiing Squirrel, and the leader of this group of Terrorist Squirrels appointed by Al-Qaeda. Look at how useful these squirrels can be! They can wear life jackets, so how hard can it be for them to wear explosives on their chests? And there's no need for stealthy approaches to a target either, cuz everyone loves the little things! BUT THEY'RE EVIL!!! You must destroy every tree and every nut you find or else they can never be defeated! TAKE A STAND FOR LIBERTY!!!!

Only YOU Can Make It Happen!

Don't be a panzy! Kill them all!

Fire

Cole — Wed, 30 May 2007 20:53:00 +0000

I've been ranting about a certain video game as of late, and I don't want to kill you all with boredom, so I'm going to explain fire safety to you guys.

Recognizing a Fire
A fire may be difficult to recognize. Follow these steps to fully understand how to recognize fire.

Look at suspected fire. If it is wavy and any color, it's probably a fire.

Listen to suspected fire. If it is cracklin', it's probably a fire.
Reach into suspected fire. If it burns, it's probably a fire.

Place flammable substances into suspected fire and wait for 20-30 minutes. If you cannot discern the objects from one another, it's probably a fire.

If you can, place a stick in suspected fire until a chunk of suspected fire is visible on the stick. Then fill your mouth with flammable liquid. Hold stick in front of your face and project flammable liquid from your mouth in a spraying fashion. If it looks really cool and/or burns off your eybrows and/or face, it's probably a fire.

Starting a Fire

Scan the area for bears. Bears are notorious for their sheer hatred of fire, and may attack unconditionally if provoked.
Get a bunch of flammable stuff and pile it up.
Light fire using matches, lighters, dragons, the Sun, flamethrowers or a demonic ritual.

Scan the area for bears again.

Dance around fire while chanting and beating on drums.

If you wish, you can find a cauldron, put it on the fire and put people inside it for ~~dinner~~ a chance to make some money with a high-class spa!

A typical bear uses evil propaganda

Extinguishing a Fire

Use any of the following:

fire extiguisher
water
dirt
anti-matter
blow on it a lot
threaten to kill its family unless it dies
help it jump off a bridge
Dr. Kevorkian
fire
duct tape
giving me all your valuables

I hope this helped all of you have safer pyrotechnic experiences.

PoC 3!!!!1

Cole — Sun, 27 May 2007 03:54:00 +0000

So yeah, I went and saw Pirates of The Caribbean 3 yesterday, and if you see anybody who says that it was a bad movie, do one thing for me:

KILL THEM. THEY ARE COMMUNISTS, BABY-EATING EVILDOERS, AND RED-SHIRTS.

It was a great movie! Awesome fighting, funny scenes, explosions, 104-gun mega ships, monkeys, imminent doom and pirates. Oh and crabs. lots and lots of crabs. mmm... crab salad....

Windows ME 2.0!

Cole — Thu, 24 May 2007 13:58:00 +0000

Windows Vista. The long-awaited Project Longhorn: super-OS of the cosmos. Well I've had Vista (Ultimate, of course) for a while now and I believe I can safely say one thing:

WINDOWS. VISTA. SUCKS.

It's awful! Just to show you how awful it is, I'll give you an overview.

Graphics
"Upgrade your video card!" says my computer, yes, it said it all cheery like and all. "Windows 'Aero' (whatever the hell that is) cannot run under these conditions." And don't think it restricts only Windows Aero because the video card is outdated, "Ho, NOOOOO, we need to reduce the performance of VIDEO GAMES (the main reason I have a computer) TOO!!" which leads me to my next thingy.

Performance
Close to XP when it comes to just about anything that XP didn't have, but stubbornly hates running anything else. I'll give an example program that just about anybody in their right mind has: Halo PC.
Halo PC will not work. It's all like, "NOOO! HALO BAD FOR VEESTAH!!!" This really worried me, 'cuz I love my games, so I took my problem to Tyler, 'cuz he knows everything about computers and can dilate time (it's true!). He said to disable User Account Control. If you don't know what that is, I'll tell you later under User Interface. So I disable UAC, and Halo works! Not just Halo, but 90% of the programs that would not work before I disabled UAC now were working like a charm. But one thing struck me with hatred: the graphics had become stone age! Seriously! These graphics were HORRIBLE!! So I adjusted them, and guess what? The FPS drops to ungodly levels. So in conclusion, Performance sucks.

User Interface
The UI (or as I call it, AI*) is the worst part of this. Apparently, people complained to Billy about security or something, so he orders his minions to formulate the most annoying, foolbrained UI EVER. And they succeeded. This thing is annoying. I'll start with UAC. UAC is like an annoying little kid who follows you around asking you for crap:

CPU--You're trying to download a file! Cancel or Allow?

User--Allow

CPU--You're unwillingly donating your entire lifes savings to charity! Cancel or Allow?

User--Cancel!

CPU--Command cannot be processed! Cancel or Allow?

User--AAAAAAA!!! CANCELCANCELCANCEL!!!!!

CPU--Congratulations! You're bankrupt!

User--NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

CPU--You're rigging a 50 megaton hydrogen bomb to your computer! Cancel or Allow?

And it goes downhill from there. Another thing about the UI is its error messages. At least XP apologised when programs stopped working, but Vista's error messages are just comical.

"Oh noes! My program stopped working! I wonder what happened?"

"Thank you Vista! I will remember this moment and cherish it for years to come!"

What is this problem?!? Will they ever know?!? Stay tuned until next episode!!

*Annoying Interface

Theme Song

Cole — Wed, 23 May 2007 02:43:00 +0000

I found a song that represents me for who I am, it represents my purpose, my journey... hell yeah, I'm talkin' 'bout my THEME SONG. I first heard it on a GE commercial and decided to find it today, since my blog begins today. Not quite my prefered music genre, but that guy has an awesome voice. You can probably tell that my blog's theme was based around this song, but who cares? All that matters is that i ~~totally ripped off~~ politely asked for permission to use some other blog's title-style. Couldn't find a free copy for download, but i did manage to find a full, albeit priced, version: I'm Just An Old Chunk Of Coal (But I'm Gonna Be A Diamond Someday)